:(

My insanity is not an illness,
but a choice. Sanity dulls the mind,
keeps you trapped, lays out
boundaries. I like excitement.
Im not a happy girl but I most
definitely do not suffer from depression.
I have a hard exterior because
fuckheads like you dont deserve to see
the real me and the ones who do
have the ability to hurt me so they
dont see it either.
I curse but I have wonderfully wide
vocabulary and could talk shit
without profanity.
So why curse?
I lie but could honestly give a fuck less
if you knew the truth.
So why lie?
Im so full of shit if my outside
matched my inside I'd resemble a bull.
I think he's happy.
Im not. But I get somewhat satisfied
knowing that he is.
I dont know why.
I dont have half the normal feelings
and transactions that other humans have.
I dont know why.
I like it. It gives me emotional freedom
to hurt people and feel no remorse,
to break hearts and not think twice.
Yet at the same time, it handicaps me.
I dont get to experience the delights
that others do. Im not happy.
I dont know what its like to give someone
your all. But at the same time I dont know what its
like to be completely broken at anothers will.
Sometime....sometimes I wonder...
If the high people get off love,
is worth the downfall.
Maybe one day I'll find out.
But as of now I dont have a clue.
Im NOT happy.